When I was first bereaved of my daughter, I thought that I was the only one who had to suffer the incredible pain that I had to endure. I thought no one could possibly understand. However, as time slowly moved on, I learned that other parents had experienced the death of their son or daughter, and in some cases more than one child.
Many blame God for the tragedy. Asking why he did not stop the thing that caused their death. Why should such bad things happen to any of us? I am no different than you are – none of us are to blame – sadly it is a fact of life that some people die young.
Nevertheless, we need not walk the road of grief alone. The Compassionate Friends, http://www.tcf.org.uk, helps bereaved parents, whose children have died at any age and from any cause, 0-99 yrs of age.
Jesus, mother Mary watched as her son was tortured, nailed to a part of a tree and died in agony. She was every bit as human as we are, therefore, she knows how we feel…
This is a question many bereaved people want to know. It is also one of the hardest to answer. Personally, I believe there are a lot of factors that affect how we deal with life and this in turn will affect the way we react to any given situation, especially grief.
How our parents dealt with the loss of their parents or close friends? Will be our first example of these traumas life throws up. We further learn as we go through life the pain of losing pets. Then, there is our own innate natures which do not always want to conform with how others examples have shown us what to do in like occasions. Then when it comes to the experience suffered by child bereavement, this becomes an impossible question to resolve.
Every other death we encounter in our lives, whether sudden, through long-term illness or disease, will be accepted, eventually. It will take some folks longer than others to work through the pain and missing, but it simply becomes part of their lifetime’s experience.
However, when it comes to the death of ones own child whether from: sudden, through long-term illness or disease; it can be for most parents impossible to find complete closure. Indeed many of us, including me, do not think it is possible to find any kind of closure, as while we are alive, and our child is not with us – how can there ever be closure. Children are not meant to die before their mums and dads.
This is why self-help organizations like The Compassionate Friends (TCF), CRUSE and SANDS and many others are invaluable to grieving parents.
There are now many agencies set up to support you. One l have recently come across is Angels in Heaven. Don’t let the name deter you from looking them up, they are not based on religious beliefs simply parents meeting for coffee to talk about their lost children and the feelings this causes.
Click on the link on this page to find out if they are what you need. Their website allows you to post comments and poetry.
I think they meet somewhere in Birmingham UK, but they will give you pointers on how to go about setting up your own local group.
When I was first bereaved I imagined that no one else in the world could possibly understand how it felt when one of your children dies. My world had changed irrevocably and nothing could be done about it. I did know that children died, but that was something that happen to others, not me. How wrong was I?
After several months when the pain and longing were getting worse rather than easing-up, I thought I was going mad. I was stuck and didn’t know how to move on or even if I wanted to do this, would it be a betrayal of my daughter.
Then one day I watched a programme on which two mothers were talking about their children’s and an organization called The Compassionate Friends (TCF). I jotted down their contact details, and then after a few weeks, wrote to TCF.
From them I gained the help I needed to begin the slow process of moving on. I learned that the emotions and pain and longing were all part of ‘normal’ grieving and eventually, I developed coping strategies to help me through the more difficult days. Yes, I did reach a point when I could choose how to deal with anniversaries, birthdays and other emotional triggers; instead of sinking under the strain of rebuilding a life I never thought I would want to endure without my daughter.
Now, I am thankful that I have found TCF and I hope to help other bereaved parents do the same. Perhaps, they can also reach the point where I am today – living my life for the sake of my daughter, whom I know I will meet again when we are reunited in heaven. Yes, I do still miss her and always will, but she has simply gone on ahead of me to heaven.
Care for the Family is an organisation which cares for many aspects of family life. Including raising a children and dealing with happy and sad times within a growing family. It also offers support to those parents, siblings and other family members who are having to suffer the death of one of their children/brother, sister/grandchild. Please click on the links below to find out how they might be able to help you.
Care For The Family: Bereaved Parent Support Weekend – Daventry
Care For The Family: Bereaved Parent Support Day
This is an organisation begun in January 1969 by bereaved parents, in the UK, whose children had died. They discovered that through talking to each other about their children and how they felt about their deaths, they found that they were more able to cope with their tragic losses.
The Compassionate Friends is now an international stretching all around the world. To find your nearest branch or chapter go to the UK website: http://www.tcf.org.uk. There you can join the Forum and liaise with other parents having to endure life without a much loved child.
When our child dies it is easy to feel that we are the only parents to experience such pain and anguish that results. It can take us a while to look beyond ourselves and to understand that others have indeed have had to endure life after losing their children.When we become aware of this fact we might want to seek out these parents and to ask them how they have been able to move forward in their grieving.
For me this took several months, for others weeks and yet for others years and still others who decide to go it alone. No way is wrong as we can only do what is right for each of us.
I was unaware of needing help until I reached out to help others, but in doing this, I found empathy which I didn’t know existed. From writing a letter to the then Scottish Co-ordinator I became the County Contact for The Compassionate Friends (TCF)in the North East of Scotland.Then with three other bereaved mothers formed a group that met once a month.
There are many of these groups throughout the UK. Some meet more frequently than others and include dads as well as mums, some also have siblings groups. Please click on the http://www.tcf.org.uk link on this page and find your nearest group, phone the meeting organizer to introduce yourself or just turn up on the evening.
You might want to come to one of the Gatherings planned like the Scottish Forum, the National, International or one of the smaller Regional ones.
However, if none of these appeal to you, click on the link anyway, as I am sure
The Compassionate Friends will be able to support you through this most difficult of tasks you may ever have to deal with.