Source: My child’s things
When we experience life changing events it is very easy to believe that nobody else has ever felt as we do, because they don’t understand how much we are hurting.
However, once we begin to tell others how we are trying to get over it but to no avail we can start to move forward. We will come to realise that there are indeed folk who do know what it is like. When we share thoughts and feelings that allows them to share their experiences of loss with you.
This is the real benefit of joining a support group. Their child may have died from a different cause and at a different age from your child, but the way they are dealing with their bereavement may give us ideas which we can try.
If, you click on the link http://www.tcf.org.uk on this site, you can find a group meeting where you live. Your contact details, only with your permission, to the group leader who will contact you and probably arrange a one to one meeting with you and explain what happens at a group so that you can decide if and when you are ready to attend. Some meet weekly, fortnightly or monthly.
While for me writing became my way of dealing with my many pain-filled thoughts. Other parents have found creative methods useful. Some have taken up quilting, singing, knitting and many different crafts which give them a focus pre-occupying their minds to some extent while mulling over or discussing with others their emotions; perhaps calling to mind treasured memories. If you go The Compassionate Friends (TCF) see link on this page, you will be able to find out more coping strategies and join a forum with like-minded people. They will be able to help you find how you can discover hidden talents that you can use to help you.
Occupying yourself in these ways does not mean you are forgetting your child this will never happen what they do is give our minds some much needed respite from the endless turmoil churning inside our heads.
Another book that should be considered is, WHEN WE CAN’T GOD CAN by Catherine Campbell, it’s about how she was helped through her experience of child loss by God.
Atè logo means – see you soon – in Portuguese and it appears on my daughter’s gravestone. For me this felt more appropriate and gentlier than a final ‘goodbye’.
Of course, many people sent cards of condolences but I wasn’t able to read more than one or two at a time. However, one that was handed to me to read helped keep me more than most of them. It had come from my mother’s neighbour. It had a short statement on it about the saint known as ‘The Little Flower’, Saint Theresa, who died very young having dedicated her whole life to prayer and love of God. These words on that card are also on my daughter’s gravestone;they read ‘A little flower/lent not given/to bud on Earth/but bloom in heaven, a suitable epitaph for my little girl’s short life.
I hope through this blog to offer support and further information for bereaved parents, their families and anyone who wants to offer help to those suffering from the tragic death of one of their children.
Some of my views might not sit well with visitors, be assured, I do not wish to impose them onto others simply to state what I found to be helpful and which might help them.
These sources of help will be through recommending books and other media help; other bereavement support agencies and what I have learned from supporting many bereaved parents; and advice to newly bereaved parents that might help them to begin to rebuild a life without their children.
I know that when my daughter passed away the last thing I wanted to do was sit down to read a book. Even if I could have concentrated for long enough to make sense of the words reading was too much of a distraction from my self pitying which for awhile consumed me. Eventually, when I did go looking for books that might help I couldn’t find very much that focused primarily on the loss of a child. Now thankfully many bereaved parents have found writing to be helpful and have succeeded in publishing their stories to help others in the same situation as themselves.
If you go to amazon.com or amazon.co.uk you will find many options both as printed books or ebooks. I hope you find something that helps you.